Parents, We’ve Been Scammed

Smartphones are stealing our kids’ childhoods. So why aren’t we more upset?

What does it feel like to be scammed? It’s a mix of anger, guilt, regret, frustration, and betrayal. Those are all the same emotions I felt when my son dropped out of college due to his video game addiction. And it’s the same emotion so many other parents feel when they lose their children to the mindless scrolling of social media.

That’s because smartphone companies and app creators have scammed us. They told us this technology was harmless, even beneficial for our “digital natives.” 

It was all a hoax.

This toxic technology is stealing our children’s childhoods and futures. The science is clear. But instead of giving in or giving up due to a sense of guilt (after all, we gave it to them), it’s time we stood up against these scammers, stood up for our kids, and made a change. 

How Did We Get Here?

As parents, we teach our kids about “stranger danger” and how to spot an online scammer, yet we’ve fallen for the biggest hoax in parenting history: that every teenager needs a smartphone in their pocket. How did this happen? How did something that promised so much (safety! connectedness! happiness!) do so much damage to our children’s lives? 

To understand how this all unfolded, let’s consider how any great scam is built.

Scams rarely begin with obvious red flags; instead, they start subtly, with half-truths that make you feel in control. Smartphones are no different. They’re not entirely bad—banking apps make depositing a check incredibly convenient. But, ultimately, they take more than they give. Before we realize it, the device we handed our children to text friends or call us after practice ends has taken far more: it’s impacted their family bond, stripped away innocence, and even compromised their mental health. And it all happened right in front of us.

Here is how smartphone companies were able to pull this scam off. 

1 - They Built Trust

Like any successful scam, this one began by building trust. The smartphone has become the authority in our lives, so much so that if something appears on that small screen, it must be true. The grooming was subtle. The phone was cute, fun, and easy to use. “It’s just a screen,” we said. “What could go wrong?” But we missed that everything on that screen was carefully designed to capture our children’s attention and trust.

The smartphone came with a promise for teens: This is your ticket to fame. For parents, it offered a balm to ease our worries: Your child will feel happier and more included, plus you will always know where they are. With this promise, we let our guard down, giving the scammer control over our children’s emotional and social lives.

2 - They Exploited Vulnerabilities

For any scam to work, the scammer must find and exploit a vulnerability in their target. With teenagers, it couldn’t have been easier. Adolescence is marked by an intense need to belong, and the smartphone promises to fulfill this need with apps, games, and social media platforms designed to exploit basic human desires: novelty, fear, excitement, sexual desire, greed, and FOMO (fear of missing out). Social media, in particular, feeds the teenage dream of being noticed and famous, offering platforms that reward impulsive and superficial behavior with instant feedback.

The key was to get our children to act quickly and impulsively without reasoning. When their primal needs were triggered, their capacity to heed reason and rational advice—whether from parents, teachers, or even their own inner voice—disappeared. The trap was set.

3 - They Made It Easy & Irresistible

Scammers know that the easier the scam, the faster it works. What could be easier than a smartphone? It is a device so intuitive that even a four-year-old can figure it out without any instruction manual. It’s portable, available 24/7, and endlessly entertaining. It promises happiness, popularity, and connection and keeps those promises on an infinite loop.

Repetition is key. Smartphones ensure that the promises are delivered repeatedly, making it hard for anyone, especially a teenager, to escape their pull. The more they hear, “This will make you happier,” the more they believe it. They fall deeper into the scam.

4- They Manufactured Urgency (And FOMO)

For any scam to work, it has to create a sense of urgency. The faster the trap is sprung, the better for the scam artist. Smartphone culture capitalizes on this urgency. The younger children are when they get a phone, the more damage is done and the more tech companies profit. As soon as one child in a friend group has a phone, the others feel left out and want one, too. This peer pressure creates a sense of urgency for parents, leading us to think, “If my child doesn’t have a phone like their friends, they’ll be left out. They need one to fit in.”

Yet child development research shows that delaying smartphone use is healthier. But when confronted with the fear of our child being socially left out, we often let emotions, rather than facts, guide us. (Note: Kids without phones usually spend more time with friends.) 

5 - They Created Dependency

A classic scam doesn’t just deceive—it builds dependency. The smartphone, once a simple tool, quickly becomes indispensable. What starts innocently—using it as an alarm clock or to listen to music—soon escalates into full dependency. Teenagers, in particular, are conditioned to feel lost without their phones. With their entire social world compressed into a 6-inch screen, this device begins to dominate their time, attention, and emotions, much like a scam artist pulls the strings of their mark.

This isn’t by accident. Tech companies enlist behavioral scientists to craft addictive designs, ensuring users are hooked as swiftly as possible. Like any addiction, smartphone dependency begins with a single use and rapidly expands from there.

6 - They Incited Groupthink

Scams thrive in groups, relying on the power of conformity. Once one person buys in, others are quick to follow. Smartphones exploit this dynamic through cultural acceptance. Often, parents permit their child to download an app or join a platform because a friend already has it. And just one friend is often enough to make us think, “If everyone else is doing it, why shouldn’t we?”

This social pressure tempts us to follow along, assuming that if other parents approve, it must be safe. But in doing so, we may overlook what’s truly right for our own family and our child, according to science and our values.

The Result: The Biggest Scam in Parenting History

The promises of the teen smartphone were grand: better learning, stronger connections with friends, healthier family dynamics, and improved mental health. But instead, we find ourselves facing the opposite. Our children are more isolated, anxious, and depressed than ever. We’ve lost family time to screens, and rather than fostering real-world connections, our kids are trapped in a digital illusion. The adage rings true: if something sounds too good to be true, it usually is.

Realizing we’ve been duped has a profound emotional toll. Regret can be paralyzing, tempting us to avoid facing the issue. But until we do, we can’t move forward to reclaim our family’s well-being.

Many parents are stuck in this situation today—trapped by guilt and shame and weighed down by the fear that it’s too late to turn back. Ultimately, this is what the tech culture counts on: that we’ll feel so stuck that we won’t take action.

The solution? Get educated and trust your instincts, and don’t look back with regret over past mistakes. Remove the smartphone during these most vulnerable adolescent years. You can change course, and ScreenStrong is here to help.

Join our Connect group and meet other parents who have freed their children from the traps of technology and given them their childhoods back. No matter where you are in your parenting journey, it’s never too late, and your child’s well-being and even their life may depend on it. 

ScreenStrong Resources

Melanie Hempe, BSN, is the founder of ScreenStrong, a nonprofit organization, and the author of the Kid’s Brains and Screens Series for students and parents. She is dedicated to preventing and reversing childhood screen addictions by providing scientific evidence and community for families around the globe. Her educational material is filled with everything she wished she had known before her oldest child suffered from a screen addiction. ScreenStrong has created what every family needs—education and the community—to skip toxic screens through adolescence so teens can reach their full potential.

Visit here for educational material and ScreenStrong.org to learn more and join the community that is saving childhood.