5 Reasons to Uninstall the Video Games (Yes, Really)

Binge gaming, even if the homework and chores are done, is never healthy. Here’s why.

Of course, as parents, we have all let our kids splurge. Maybe it’s a cookie before mealtime, an extra piece of cake on their birthday, or a late bedtime during vacation. All of these are okay. There are times when rules can be bent, and exceptions should be made, especially when there is no long-term risk for our kids. 

But let me be clear: the rules around video games should not be bent, exceptions should not be made, and long-term harm is a reality. 

At ScreenStrong, our stance around video games is bold: video games are not necessary or mandatory for kids. The reason is this: video games played every now and then do not create a dependency problem, but video games are not designed to be played every now and then. They are designed to be played all the time, addictively. Your child wants to eat the whole bag of cookies every night.

  “This game is so addictive. I am lying to my parents. Skipping school. Staying up all night playing. This game owns me. Exactly like crystal meth or crack. Can’t stop. Have no life anymore. Beware. Battle royale games like this one are dangerous.” 

—15-year-old teen talking about Fortnite

If you feel like your child’s video gaming is getting or has gotten out of hand, let me say seven words that you may need to hear right now: it’s okay to take the games away. 

Here are 5 science-backed reasons why. 

1) Games trigger chemical changes in the brain. 

Unlike watching a movie or playing a board game, video games trigger a constant flow of dopamine in the reward center of the brain. With continuous exposure to dopamine, the brain decreases the number of dopamine receptors in order to maintain a balance. Now your son needs to play more to get the same good feeling. He is desensitized in a way; the dopamine is not working as well, and this leads to boredom and a craving for more game play and riskier games.

Another reason why video games are hard to stop playing is because they have no natural stopping point. Just like a slot machine, your child wants to keep playing if he is winning, and he wants to keep playing if he is losing.

It is never over.  

 2) Games are loaded with persuasive design elements.

Many parents remember video games as arcade games from their childhood. But today’s video games are a far cry from PacMan, built with elaborate, irresistible, persuasive design elements.

Video games are designed and engineered to keep our kids hooked. The game is programmed to pull them into play with intermittent rewards, then keep them frustrated so they will keep playing. Games are loaded with dopamine triggers, much more than anything that naturally occurs in real life activities. He becomes dependent almost overnight. He can’t help it.

 3)  Games replace other activities.

Do you feel like your child’s game is making him lazy? You are not alone. If your teen’s video games are his number one hobby, his taste and appreciation for other activities will diminish. The instant gratification and dopamine-producing nature of the game will be more exciting than reading, exercising, playing outside, learning life skills, and figuring out how to get along with people. When he binges, it will get worse because he has to play more to get the same good feeling, and his withdrawal from the game will be more intense, making him cranky and moody. What teen would choose to stop and clean the garage when he is almost winning the game? (Note: He is always almost winning the game.)

In addition, when he plays, the stress chemical cortisol is released, which alters his short-term memory center in his brain. He will begin to forget things and become disorganized. All kids crave low-effort, high-reward activities over hard work; and games easily get in the way of hard work and other important life skills. 

 4) Games form bad habits.

Video games are not a neutral activity and brain chemicals are altered with each click. Studies show that the brains of teen video gamers look similar to those of addicts. But you don’t need studies; you can observe what happens to your son when you make him get off the game. The drop in dopamine creates a withdrawal effect similar to other addictive activities. With increased game play comes a craving for more game play and rewards; hence the game habit is formed. Watch your child’s gaming habit closely—it will shape his future. Little gamers grow up to be big gamers. Rarely will children outgrow this habit. He will need help from you.

 5) Games change kids physically.

Our kids are not designed to be still for hours a day. They should not look pale, weak, or refuse to maintain personal hygiene. Boys especially need to use their muscles so that testosterone levels will develop properly. (1) However, many gamers have stunted muscle development and are physically weak. Is your son’s excessive game play keeping him from developing his body physically to his highest potential? As is true with many things, “If you don’t use it, you will lose it.”

So, what’s stopping you from taking the game away? 

Common Misconceptions

Here are the most common misconceptions I hear when it comes to potentially removing video games from your home. 

1. He will binge later if I take it away.

The forbidden fruit myth suggests that kids will want to play more video games when games aren’t allowed. However, over four decades of research have overwhelmingly proven that parents who lovingly set limits have much better outcomes for their children than permissive parents do. (2)

When you guide your son toward healthy hobbies and delay addictive games, he will be more balanced. Your child will grow up feeling comfortable with the things that you allow him to do because his brain is forming to his environment. If your child is exposed to addictive activities, he will grow up feeling comfortable with them, which is why 90% of adult addictions are formed before their 18th birthday. The solution is to expose your child to many different activities that you want him to continue, not the ones you want him to stop. 

2. He must play so he can get used to managing addictive activities.

Some parents hesitate to remove the game because they want their kids to learn how to manage these types of temptations. “They will have these temptations the rest of their lives so he needs to get used to it now,” they say.  But exposure to addiction makes your child weaker, not stronger, especially before the age of 25 when the frontal cortex is not fully developed. 

Dr. Leonard Sax says, “Age matters. If a boy starts playing video games when he is 9 or 12 or 14 years old, those games may ‘imprint’ on his brain in a way that they won’t if he starts playing at 18.” (3) One addiction leads to another. The porn industry knows how this works, which is why they spend a lot of advertising dollars recruiting gamers as their next generation of customers. 

3. All his friends are on the game, so he won’t have any friends if he doesn’t play.

It is a myth that all boys play video games. If all of your son’s friends are gamers, he should begin to invest in a different friend group. This is where your parenting comes in. Your son’s friends or his video games are never more important than his health, and they are never more important than his relationship with you. It will take some work on your end, but if you can find one or two other families with boys his age to join with you, it is much easier. It is amazing to see what boys can think of when they get creative together! 

Deep down, all boys know that gaming is not a real measure of valuable skills and gaming friends are not the same as in-person friends. 

4. He will hate me. 

Your son will hate you more if you allow him to waste his potential over the next few years on meaningless video games. What stories will he remember from his childhood? The hours he spent on his video game or the memories he made with his friends and family?  What a great opportunity you have to get to know your son better! When you prioritize spending time with your son and caring for his well-being, he will not hate you.

If your son has a take-it-or-leave-it attitude about his game, shows no signs of withdrawal when he gets off, is organized, well-rounded with hobbies and life skills, and has a good relationship with you, he may not have an unhealthy dependence on gaming. However, if his game is his primary activity right now and you feel he is headed for addiction, it is time to make changes. So let me say it one more time: it’s okay to take the games away.

If you want to rescue your kids from gaming, we are here to help you. Get our Kids’ Brains & Screens Curriculum for your son to teach your kids the facts, and take our 30-Day Reset found in our Connect Plus group to get a glimpse of what life could be like without the constant pull of gaming. Listen to our weekly Podcasts and start with this one from a video game addiction doctor. We have your back. It’s time to stand up for your gamer and get him back on the right track. You can do it; he can, too! 

Where to start? ScreenStrong has the resources to help.

Melanie Hempe, BSN, is the founder of ScreenStrong, a nonprofit organization, and the author of the Kid’s Brains and Screens Series for students and parents. She is dedicated to preventing and reversing childhood screen addictions by providing scientific evidence and community for families around the globe. Her educational material is filled with everything she wished she had known before her oldest child suffered from a screen addiction. ScreenStrong has created what every family needs—education and the community—to skip toxic screens through adolescence so that teens can reach their full potential. Visit KidsBrainsAndScreens.com for educational material and ScreenStrong.org to learn more and join the community that is saving childhood.

References.

1. George T. Lynn, MA, LMHS, Breaking the Trance. A Practical Guide For Parenting the Screen-Dependent Child. (Central Recovery Press, 2016) p. 39.

2. Leonard Sax, MD, PhD, The Collapse of Parenting. How We Hurt Our Kids When We Treat Them Like Grown-Ups. (New York: Basic Books, 2016.) p. 139.

3. Leonard Sax, MD, PhD, The Collapse of Parenting. How We Hurt Our Kids When We Treat Them Like Grown-Ups. (New York: Basic Books, 2016.) p. 145.