Porn is chasing your child. Here's what to do about it.

7 Practical Steps to Stop Early Porn Exposure (and the Harm That Comes With It)

​“I never thought this would happen to my child, he’s only in third grade.”

“I’m 16. I saw porn at a sleepover in sixth grade. That one moment started a bad porn habit for me that led to years of secret viewing, shame, and now depression. I can’t tell my parents.”

“She found an old laptop in our playroom. I searched the history and am shocked by what she has been watching. She is only in sixth grade.”

In over 10 years of talking to parents and kids, these are just a handful of stories I’ve heard about porn exposure in middle school—and even in elementary school. Instead of continuing to shock you with these stories, though, I want to get practical. Because here are the two truths about your kids and pornography: 1. Porn is chasing your child, and 2. Porn creates extreme trauma, especially for young brains.

Feel like “trauma” is too strong a word? Then let me ask you about your first porn exposure. I bet you can remember exactly where you were and what you saw because these traumatic events form strong memories in the brain. What’s even worse, today's kids face far more powerful and accessible avenues for exposure to pornography than any generation before them.

Unlike the narrative presented in the often-told horror stories of a poor, innocent child having porn shoved in their face by some depraved, sex-crazed kid on the school bus, most kids today are first exposed to porn on devices given to them by their own parents, even under their own roof. That’s a problem, and it’s serious.

Why you need to care more than you thought

Today's pornography is so much more than photos in Playboy magazine. Kids are getting the equivalent of XXX videos instead, making it all that much more enticing—and addictive—to the developing brain.

The young brain is highly sensitive to visual and emotional input. When a child sees a vivid or emotionally charged image—especially one involving shock, fear, or sexual content—those images are quickly processed and stored by the brain’s amygdala and hippocampus. These regions act like a “save button” for emotionally significant experiences, making it easier for the brain to recall them later, even involuntarily. While not every image is remembered, the ones tied to strong emotion or novelty tend to leave a lasting imprint, especially in the developing brains of children and teens.

All parents are fearful when it comes to early porn exposure but here’s the good news: you are not powerless. You can take practical steps—starting now, no matter how young your child is—to prevent porn exposure in your child’s life.

7 Ways to Stop Early Porn Exposure

1. Never give personal, handheld, internet-connected devices to kids (Yes, that includes smartphones).

Personal screens are not for kids. When your children only have access to the TV in your den and the family laptop for homework, the chances are greatly decreased that they will develop a porn habit. However, the risks greatly increase when they have their own personal internet-connected devices. Porn is just one reason why we recommend that kids skip having personal smartphones.​

Tip: This is easier than you think. If you want to give your child a way to contact you, a family talk-text phone that stays in the kitchen and can be taken with them when needed is perfect.

2. Keep screens in open areas to facilitate easy co-viewing.

When you all sit down to enjoy a family movie, the chances are zero that someone will click off the movie and start searching for porn. However, when your child is curled up alone on the sofa with a tablet or your teen is upstairs in their bedroom, the risks of exposure skyrocket. ​

Tip: Keep computer-based homework in open spaces at home where you can see the screen activity—the back of your kids' heads, and the front of the screen.

3. Stop handing your phone to your child “just for a minute.”

We’ve all done it in the grocery store, in the car, or at the doctor’s office. But resist this urge. Not only does this bad habit train your child to reach for phones when they’re bored, but it increases the risks for accidental porn exposure.

Tip: Pack an activity bag and replace the small screen with a Rubik’s Cube, Pocket Simon, or even—gasp—a book.​

4. Be cautious with playdates and especially sleepovers.

Grandma was right: Nothing good happens after 10 p.m. at a sleepover. In my work with families over the last decade, I have learned that it is very common for first-time porn exposure to happen at a friend’s house during a sleepover, even with caring parents at home. This makes sense because willpower tends to erode at night, and kids often become more daring when together.

When it comes to drop-off playdates, ask about screen use at the other houses. I used to ask the parents of my kids’ new friends, “My kids are allergic to porn—are your screens locked down?” It broke the ice, and no one ever got offended.​

Tip: Instead of a full sleepover, try the “half-over” option: let them go for the party and hang-out part, but pick them up before the sleepover part.​

5. No screens in bedrooms. Period.

This one’s simple. Bedrooms are for sleeping, not surfing the internet or scrolling social media.​ This means no laptops, phones, or tablets in your child’s bedroom. Take inventory of all Wi-Fi-connected devices, and make sure one doesn’t end up hidden in your child’s room.

Tip: Get your kids an old-fashioned alarm clock. This easily dodges the classic “but I need my phone alarm to wake up” excuse to have their phone in their bedroom.

6. Install filters—but don’t rely on them.

Filters and parental controls are like seatbelts—they do keep you safer, but you can still get hurt in a bad wreck even if you use them. YouTube Kids, video games, and even Minecraft can turn up content you never saw coming.

Tip: We recommend Canopy on all devices. We explain why here. However, parents will always be the best filter or parental control for their child.

7. Talk early. Talk often. But keep it age-appropriate.

You don’t have to explain the details of pornography to young kids—and we don’t recommend that you do. What matters is keeping the lines of communication open. Children instinctively know when they see something confusing, scary, or inappropriate. The only thing worse than early exposure is the feeling that they can’t tell you about it.

Start with simple, age-appropriate questions, such as: “Have you ever seen anything online that made you feel uncomfortable or uneasy?” This kind of gentle check-in sends a powerful message: You’re safe to talk to me. The key is to get them talking.

• Young children don’t need many details—they need protection. Guard them from sexual content by removing private access to internet-connected devices in your home.

• Middle schoolers are naturally more curious, so they require a bit more information. But details need to come from you, the parent, not their peers, and definitely not the internet. Start with the medical science and facts to educate them. Be honest and bold with these discussions. And remember, more screen access (even including video games) equals more risk of porn exposure. Use this as one of the many loving reasons why your family is choosing not to give them a smartphone. (See KBS resource below for a great place to start the education.)

• High schoolers and college students need an open line of communication and connection with caring parents. This means that parents—or a trusted adult—need to be routinely available to discuss the reality of porn exposure. Since porn isn’t a natural easy topic, it’s best to have regular check-in times to talk in general, such as the family dinner table or after school. Spend time letting them generally talk about their school day, discuss what they’re seeing and hearing, and continue shining a light on this issue as it comes up. Ask questions that may trigger them to share. Talking about porn at this age doesn’t encourage more use—but not talking about it does. These practices encourage them to embrace accountability through the college years, which is a lifelong benefit.

A Note to Grandparents

We’ve found that many kids are first exposed to pornography at their grandparents’ house (unintentionally, of course). This usually happens because screens are used to entertain or babysit grandkids, and because parental controls on devices like Grandpa’s phone or computer are often outdated or nonexistent.

To protect your grandchildren:

• Avoid letting them use your computer or phone, especially without supervision.

• Keep a copy of Kids’ Brains & Screens at your house and read it with them—it’s a great way to start healthy conversations.

• Refrain from gifting personal handheld devices to your grandkids. These devices often become private portals to harmful content.

Grandparents are a tremendous gift and a powerful influence. Don’t let your home—or your phone—be the place where a child first falls into the porn trap.

Conclusion

When you provide a home environment with low screen access and when you talk openly about hard topics like pornography, you will have healthier kids. You also increase the chances that your values will guide your child. But when you stay silent or unaware of what your child is facing, they’re more likely to be influenced by negative forces and face unnecessary struggles alone.

Childhood is short. And there's a lot of work to be done without having porn exposure sabotage healthy development.

We are always here to help!

ScreenStrong Resources

The easiest way to start the porn discussion is to lead with science.

Parents - We’ve got your back when it comes to educating your kids about pornography. The Kids’ Brains & Screens (KBS) book is our most requested resource at ScreenStrong—and for many good reasons. The section on pornography offers a powerful, science-based approach that helps you open the conversation without the awkwardness.

Here’s a sample of a few pages:

More ScreenStrong Resources

Podcast—”We Need to Talk About Kids & Porn Exposure” with Dr. Adriana Stacey (#236)

Podcast—“An 18-Year-Old’s Perspective on Teenage Girls and Pornography” (#137)

Podcast—“How to Protect Your Kids From Viewing Pornography by Smith Alley” (#40)

Podcast—“One Teen Shares Her Experience with Porn Addiction” (#24)

Melanie Hempe, BSN, is the founder of ScreenStrong, a nonprofit organization, and the author of the Kids’ Brains and Screens Series for students and parents. She is dedicated to preventing and reversing childhood screen addictions by providing scientific evidence and community for families around the globe. Her educational material is filled with everything she wished she had known before her oldest child suffered from a screen addiction. ScreenStrong has created what every family needs—education and community—to skip toxic screens through adolescence so teens can reach their full potential.

Visit here for family resource materials and here for our Phone-Free Schools Guide, and visit ScreenStrong.org to learn more and join the community that is saving childhood.