The Myth of the Over-Scheduled Child
Is too much free time pushing your child toward screen addiction?
Several weeks ago, you may have read this post on our Substack that discussed the importance of making sure your kids have plenty of screen-free downtime. Today, I want to stress that it is equally important for parents to ensure that kids have plenty of healthy, organized extracurricular activities.
For years, parents have been told that over-scheduling their children is a recipe for disaster. They believe that shuttling them to soccer practices on weeknights, piano lessons after school, and baseball games on the weekends stretches them too thin, leaving them exhausted and overwhelmed with no time for homework or rest.
I bought that myth.
When my oldest, Adam, was in middle school, the public discussion about over-scheduling kids had just begun. Between baseball, piano, and other extracurriculars, I wondered, “Am I over-scheduling my son?” After all, juggling his schedule with the demands of three younger siblings and carpools did feel overwhelming.
When my friends were all talking about how bad it was to over-schedule our kids, and when he started asking me to drop out of his activities, I took it as a sign. “Okay,” I thought. “My son is telling me it’s too much for him,” not realizing that his real desire was simply to clear more time for video games. So I let him quit piano, then baseball and tennis.
With nothing else to fill his days, Adam got what he wanted: entire afternoons and evenings free to play video games. He began to play from the moment he came home from school until late into the night. He was in heaven, and I must admit, I was relieved, too—no more hectic evenings. But this was the start of his addiction, one that would eventually cause him to drop out of college after his freshman year.
Our biggest mistake.
Looking back, allowing Adam to quit his extracurricular activities was our biggest parenting mistake. By giving in to the idea that less is more when it came to his schedule, we unknowingly handed over his recovered time to video games. Without sports or music lessons to anchor him, gaming became his only hobby. That "free time" turned into a trap.
The cultural push to unschedule my son didn’t lead to the gift of balance—it paved the way for a video game addiction that eventually caused him to drop out of college. In hindsight, the connection is painfully clear: when kids don’t invest in developing interests and meaningful pursuits to fill their time, they default to whatever grabs their attention the easiest. For Adam, that was gaming, and we paid the price.
Today, when Adam hears stories of his younger brothers catching up with old teammates or hears of their latest musical accomplishments—Evan just recorded his third album for his Spotify account, and Andrew just played violin for his first Opera—he is happy for them but also feels sadness and regret. He wishes he hadn’t quit. Or rather, he wishes I hadn’t let him quit, that I had been a stronger parent, one that had the foresight he didn’t and made the decision for himself that he couldn’t.
“Turn right to go left.”
Going against the cultural push to unschedule your kids might feel counterintuitive, but it’s like Doc Hudson tells Lightning McQueen in Cars—“Turn right to go left.” Finding the right balance of activities in your child’s life requires being willing to defy cultural norms or the latest parenting trends.
Yes, it’s hard to plan dinners during baseball season, juggle two kids at two different practices, or manage the expense and effort of driving to art lessons. But trust me when I say it’s worth it.
In a world where screens have an overwhelming pull on our kids, these activities serve as an anchor. They help build their skills, enrich their lives, and create opportunities for connection. As a parent, you must step into the role of a loving coach—leading, encouraging, and guiding them through a few inconvenient moments to gain the prize.
A busy schedule is the best antidote to screen overuse and addiction. This involves purposeful activities and hobbies—like school clubs and sports teams—but it also involves a good healthy dose of downtime, like family game nights, pizza parties with friends, trips to the local amusement park, and wiffleball tournaments at the sandlot.
When you unplug from the digital world and plug back into the real world, you’ll find there’s plenty of time for teams and lessons. Fostering healthy hobbies won’t overwhelm your kids, but allowing screen dependency will. Give it a try—you'll be amazed at how much calmer your house feels when you trade screen conflicts for a full, active schedule. And who knows? You might be as surprised as we were by the hidden talents your kids will discover along the way!
For step-by-step support on exactly how to rid your home of toxic screens, join our Connect Plus group. As a Connect Plus member, you’ll have free access to our 30-Day Detox, as well as other ScreenStrong resources like webinars, videos, and ebooks to help you make real, lasting changes in your home.
Need help explaining all of this to your kids? Get the Kids’ Brains & Screens curriculum for your family.
ScreenStrong Resources
Melanie Hempe, BSN, is the founder of ScreenStrong, a nonprofit organization, and the author of the Kids’ Brains and Screens Series for students and parents. She is dedicated to preventing and reversing childhood screen addictions by providing scientific evidence and community for families around the globe. Her educational material is filled with everything she wished she had known before her oldest child suffered from a screen addiction. ScreenStrong has created what every family needs—education and the community—to skip toxic screens through adolescence so teens can reach their full potential.
Visit here for family resource materials and here for our Phone-Free Schools Guide, and visit ScreenStrong.org to learn more and join the community that is saving childhood.
The point isn’t to substitute scheduled activities with screen time . It’s to remove scheduled activities and allow kids to be bored. Play outside. Hang out with family, explore…
I feel like you’re setting up a false dichotomy here. It is possible to both not have tons of scheduled activities outside the home, AND not allow children to be in front of screens all the time. Creativity and development of skills can happen at home, too. It’s a good cautionary tale, but a family feeling overwhelmed by outside activities can pull back without being afraid that too much screen time is the other option.