Where have all the real toys gone?

Our kids are never too old for toys. More than that, they need them.

It’s not even Thanksgiving, but somehow, it’s already beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Do you remember that song? 

A pair of Hopalong boots and a pistol that shoots is the wish of Barney and Ben. Dolls that’ll talk and will go for a walk are the hope of Janice and Jen.

If that song had been written today, Barney and Ben would probably have been eager for the newest first-person shooter game, and Janice and Jen would have been begging for the latest iPhone.

Real toy holiday gifts—ones that could ignite our children’s imaginations, build their skills, and foster cherished memories—fade away far too soon. Our children are becoming “too old” for toys at younger and younger ages. 

When we swap real toys for screens, virtual skins, and digital currencies, we prematurely push our children into a stressful adult digital world. And though they don’t know it consciously, kids feel this premature loss of childhood. It shows up as anxiety and depression, and when kids feel anxious or depressed, they want to retreat further into their digital world. 

Screens are not real toys. In fact, they are not toys at all.

The decision to forgo video games and smartphones until our children turned 18 transformed our lives in many ways. Our kids love books and school, play music, love sports and nature, and actually like spending time with people—including us. We have been surprised and thrilled with those benefits. But the most unexpected gift arrives every Christmas: a peaceful, happier holiday. 

When we removed the toxic screens—video games and smartphones—family bonding made a comeback, and so did the Christmas list. We had forgotten how fun it was for everyone to have real gifts to open Christmas morning. Excitement returned, and gone are the years when we spend Christmas Day watching our kids enter the screen comas caused by playing video games and drooling over social media.  

Remember real toys? 

When all a child gets for Christmas is a new screen—or something related to it—that child has been robbed of an important rite of childhood: to dream about the surprise of real toys on Christmas morning. This truth was made clear to me back when my sons’ ten-year-old friend, Ryan, came to our house to play the day after one Christmas. 

When Ryan—an avid video gamer—walked in, Christmas gifts were scattered all around; the walk through the den was messy and exciting. It was a big year for our boys that year. Santa left a Star Wars Lego set, a guitar, an archery set, a kickball, a Nerf gun, and a football jersey from our favorite family team. The closest thing to a screen was the Etch-a-Sketch. 

From the kitchen, I could hear the boys talking all at once, excited about their show and tell. Amid the jabber, Ryan stood up and made a loud announcement, “WOW! You guys got real toys for Christmas. All I got were dumb video games.” He dove back in again to play his heart out. It was like Christmas Day all over again. He had never seen Silly Putty and started asking questions about the tickets in the stockings (we like to give tickets to a big ball game for the whole family). He had no idea what to do with the Etch-a-Sketch but fell in love with the red rubber kickball—every age boy needs some sort of ball for Christmas, by the way—he wouldn’t put it down. After sufficient time to play with and discuss each toy, they grabbed the archery set—and the ball—and headed out to the backyard. No video games or YouTube videos to hold them hostage inside the house.

Where have the bikes and Barbies gone? 

Our culture has deliberately exchanged one of the most magical stages of life for access to digital trash that we now call a “gift.” This new gift comes with toxic ideas, danger, pain, loneliness, and a huge price tag: childhood innocence. If you ask most kids today what they want for Christmas that doesn’t involve a screen, they don’t even know. Outside of a credit card loaded with virtual currency—Fortnite’s V-bucks or Roblox’s robux—for new virtual skins, a new handheld console, or the latest version of the iPhone, the list is as blank as the look on their face. Imagine being a kid at Christmas today when you don’t want anything anymore.

Toys-R-Us has gone bankrupt along with childhood and the practice of enjoying real childhood toys. A virtual bow and arrow in Fortnite has replaced the real thing in our backyards. Dolls are for babies, according to most ten-year-old girls, and who cares about getting a new bike or building an erector-set tower? What is cool instead of a model airplane is the latest model smartphone, and as our kids dance for funny TikTok videos, they actually zoom right past childhood and enter the adult world prematurely. 

Antidepressants instead of presents

Your child’s Christmas list is a quick test of their mental health as it reveals what is important to them. When the only gifts on your child’s list are screen-related, your child may be headed for trouble. The simple fact that kids don’t even believe in Santa anymore may be an underlying factor that we are skipping an important stage of healthy development.

Real presents—that deliver healthy amounts of dopamine—like the latest Lego set or a Cabbage Patch doll have lost their ranking. As we continue to rush our kids through these important stages and prematurely push them into a stressful adult digital world, we will continue to see the signs of long-term loss: anxiety and depression. Our children will feel the void for a long time, even if they can’t name it. They will be unhappy and lonely when adult screens are the only thing they desire and the only gifts they receive.

Don’t get your kids what they say they want; get them what they don’t know they want. 

Anticipating getting gifts that we didn’t even know we wanted is something none of us can forget. It had nothing to do with the gift's monetary value. Christmas revealed the love and attention of our parents. Our parents knew what to get us because they knew us. To all humans, knowing another person well feels like love. This is why gift-giving, in its best form, is a true love language. 

Instead of simply checking items off a written wish list, this kind of thoughtful gift-giving teaches our children empathy. As they grow up feeling and seeing our example, they will reciprocate the act of giving and loving with others in the future. 

It is not about spending money—it is about spending time too. Holiday memories are like the glue that helps hold a family together. The memories that are created over family traditions and rituals—two critical ingredients for a healthy childhood—become foundational coping tools later in life as our teens leave home. 

Make it a Screen-free Christmas this year.

If you think a Christmas free of video games and smartphones is impossible for your family, you are not alone. Many families who have decided to remove toxic screens thought that, too. But they went against the cultural norm, took a different path, and quickly realized that it was the best lifestyle decision they ever made. 

If your kids need a screen detox, the holidays are the perfect time for that. Gather a few like-minded friends together and boldly decide to make real play, real hobbies, and real toys a priority again during this short season. The gift of a rich childhood can become the best gift you ever give your child. It will open opportunities and change their lives forever. 

Instead of another quiet, screen-centric Christmas Day, try something different this year. Return the screen gifts and think real toys & real experiences. Think back to the fun play-based toys that shaped your childhood and pick a few to introduce to your kids. Your kids are desperate for you to slow down the pace, play a round of Twister, and try to beat them at Monopoly. Those are the memories they crave. My hope for you this season is that you and all the children in your life can experience the real joy and gift of a family-focused, low-tech Christmas.

When Santa is out toy shopping this season for that new bike, Silly Putty, street hockey sticks, and red rubber kickball tell him to take a moment to grab one of your childhood favorites too. Who knows, a real toy may just be exactly what your child really wanted after all.

ScreenStrong Resources

We have lots of like-minded families for you to connect with on our free Connect group. There you will also find instructions for our 7-Day Screen Detox. Join our Connect plus for our popular Non-Tech Gift Guide.

Melanie Hempe, BSN, is the founder of ScreenStrong, a nonprofit organization, and the author of the Kid’s Brains and Screens Series for students and parents. She is dedicated to preventing and reversing childhood screen addictions by providing scientific evidence and community for families around the globe. Her educational material is filled with everything she wished she had known before her oldest child suffered from a screen addiction. ScreenStrong has created what every family needs—education and the community—to skip toxic screens through adolescence so teens can reach their full potential.

Visit here for educational material and ScreenStrong.org to learn more and join the community that is saving childhood.