Why Social Media is NOT Smart for Middle School Kids

Tween brains are simply too immature to use social media appropriately.

I really love middle school kids. I have raised four of them! If you have been through middle school parenting, you may have noticed what I see: strange things seem to happen to a tween’s brain the first day they walk into middle school.

One might sum up their main goals in life this way:

1. To be funny at all costs. Hence, the silly bathroom jokes, talking at inappropriate times in class, and the “anything it takes to be popular” attitude.

2. To focus on SELF. Their clothes, their skin, their body, their hair.

3. To try new things. They are playing “dress up” with their identity, trying things on to see what fits. They are impulsive and scattered. They are up and down, and it seems they have regressed in their development on their quest for independence.

As a parent, you are changing too. You enter a new stage of parenting when you depart from the naïvety of “My child would never...” to the realization of, “I’m sure my child did that. I’m sorry. Please excuse his behavior; he is going through a phase.” In short, middle schoolers are a bit reckless!

Your list of daily parenting instructions includes statements such as:

• “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all!”

• “You’re acting like a 2-year-old!”

• “Stop flipping that bottle!”

• “Stop burping the ABC’s!”

• “How many times do I have to tell you not to use that word?”

• “What were you thinking?”

Then it happens. Maybe because we are exhausted from our kids constantly begging for a phone, or because we think that all their friends have one, or because we want to upgrade our phone to the latest model, we finally cave. We hand them a smartphone.

And with that one little decision comes a whole new world of social media access—something we hadn’t thought about and something none of us could prepare for. Because risk taking is high and impulse control is low in the pre-teen brain, I can’t imagine a worse time in a child’s life to gain access to social media than in middle school.

Here are just a few reasons why middle school is the worst time to give a child access to social media:

1. Social media was not designed for tweens and teens.

   A tween’s underdeveloped frontal cortex can’t manage the distraction or the temptations that come with social media use.

2. Social media is an entertainment technology.

   It does not make your child smarter or more prepared for real life, nor is it necessary for healthy social development.

3. A tween’s “more is better” mentality is a dangerous match for social media.

   Do they really have 1,456 friends? Do they really need to be on it nine hours a day?

4. Social media is an addictive form of screen entertainment.

   Like video game addiction, early social media use can set up future addiction patterns and habits.

5. Social media replaces face-to-face interaction with peers.

   Face-to-face communication is an important skill they must develop to become successful in life.

6. Social media can cause teens to lose connection with family and instead view friends as their foundation.

   Since the cognitive brain is still being formed, the need for older kids to be attached to their families is just as critical now as it was in the early years. Make sure family attachment is strong. While teens need friends, a healthy family attachment is more important.

7. Social media use represents lost potential for teens.

   While one can argue that social media has certain benefits for teens, the risks and costs are too high. It is easy for teens to spend too much time and energy in the digital world forfitting other healthy activities.

How Can Kids Slow Down?

First, we must slow down and rethink what we allow our kids to do. We need to understand the world of social media and how teens use it differently from adults. Here are a few tips that work well for many parents:

1. Skip It All Together. Social media was not designed with the best interest of tweens or teens in mind. Waiting past adolescence will give your child many advantages. And this choice comes with no risks.

2. Allow A Talk/Text Only Phone. Smartphones are the primary tool teens use to access social media. A non-data phone is a perfect solution; they can use it as a needed tool instead of a toy.

3. Create Family Accounts. Create family accounts (i.e., The Smith Family) instead of individual teen accounts. This allows kids to keep up with friends in a safer social media environment.

4. Remove All Small Handhelds. Understand where your child is gaining access: smartphones, tablets, laptops, and friends’ phones. The smaller the screens, the greater the potential for bad choices.

5. Keep A Sharp Eye On The Clock.  Do you know how much time your child spends everyday on social media and what sites he or she visits? You can only coach your teen if you are aware of their digital activity.

6. Plan Face-To-Face Time With Friends. More is not better when it comes to friendships. Teens don’t need 842 followers; 4-6 close friends are enough for healthy social development. Help them learn and practice how to plan in-person social get-togethers so they can build deep friendships.

7. Spend More Non-Tech Time Together. Teens with a healthy attachment to parents and family experience more overall happiness and success. Teens need parents more than peers. Be the parent who, like a good coach, thinks ahead about the best outcome for the team.

Don’t give that SMARTPHONE all the power in your home; set your teens up for success now by choosing a HEALTHIER path. They have the rest of their lives to be entertained and influenced by social media, but only a SHORT TIME WITH YOU!

Enjoy these middle school years. While you may not be able to limit their middle-school humor at home, you certainly can limit their immature choices on social media. To learn more about how to take control of the screens in your home before they take control of you, listen to our weekly ScreenStrong Families Podcast and get the Kids’ Brains and Screens curriculum for your middle schooler. For support from other ScreenStrong parents, join the ScreenStrong Connect group on ScreeStrong.org.

This article was originally posted in Psychology Today.