Why You Need To Wait Longer Than 8th

Let’s talk about the best age for a smartphone, based on science.

As parents have begun to feel the pressure to get our kids a smartphone and social media at younger and younger ages, the question many of us ask ourselves is no longer, “What is the right age to give my child a smartphone?” but “How much longer can I resist my child’s nagging?” 

Somehow, 8th grade became the age we as a society deemed as “the right age” — but why? Maybe because we heard it or read it somewhere years ago, and our anchoring bias caused us to latch onto it. Or maybe because this age appeals to our parental desire to achieve some kind of “balance” when it comes to smartphones: it’s not so young that we as parents feel guilty, but also not so far away that we have to stand up and make a countercultural decision.

But at ScreenStrong, when it comes to teens and phones, we think countercultural decisions are absolutely necessary. After all, what’s “cultural” when it comes to teenagers today is:

• Greater social anxiety & rates of depression

• Negative body image

• Stunted social development

• Decreased sleep & other physical problems

To put it bluntly: we are in the middle of a teen health crisis, and offering your children a fully loaded smartphone in 8th grade will only make it more likely that they become a part of that crisis. And this isn’t just a feeling or opinion; it’s supported by the latest science. 

While it may feel better to offer your child a phone in 8th grade as opposed to 5th grade, in many ways, it can be worse. Yes, 10-year-olds are incredibly vulnerable, but the science shows that 13-, 14-, and 15-year-olds can be more vulnerable.

Two facts that put the particular vulnerability of 8th graders into perspective:

Fact #1: 8th graders are using phones and other internet-connected devices very differently. 

Studies have shown that while 6th and 7th graders are seeking out funny cat videos, in 8th grade, the search material becomes far more serious, including questions about sex, relationships, and depression. 

We are not saying it is wrong for your child to have these questions and curiosities at this age. What we are saying is that they should be getting answers to these questions from you and other trusted adults, not from strangers on the internet. 

Fact #2: According to the CDC, 9th and 10th graders are significantly more likely than 12th-grade students to seriously consider attempting suicide. 

It’s true. In 2021, 9th-grade female students were more likely than 12th-grade female students to have made a suicide attempt that required medical treatment. 

That’s because rejection pain peaks between ages 13 and 15 (so 8th and 9th grade), especially in girls. And nowhere can our girls feel more rejected—either overtly or implicitly—than on social media. 

So does this mean our children are in the clear after age 15? Definitely not! 16- and 17-year-olds aren’t known for making good decisions, either—just ask any car insurance representative. This is why it’s so important to not just wait until 8th grade to give our children a smartphone, but wait until the end of adolescence at age 18. 

In addition, though the brain is amazing and maintains some level of plasticity throughout our lifetime, 90% of all adult addictions start in the teenage years. The risk for all addictions is simply higher at this age because the dopamine pathway is highly sensitive. This means that by handing your child a highly addictive smartphone in 8th grade—the very start of these teenage years—you could unintentionally be paving the path for a lifelong struggle.   

If that addiction statistic shocked you, you aren’t alone. It’s a piece of data that always seems to get a reaction from parents we speak to, but when you understand some key information about the teenage brain and where it is in its development, it makes perfect sense. 

1. The teenage brain is seeking novelty, and smartphones provide an unending supply.

This is why we cannot teach our teenagers how to moderate their own tech use, it just isn’t possible yet. Their brains are primed to seek new experiences, new content, and new adventures (real or virtual), and smartphones provide a constant source for this novelty, making them next to impossible to put down. 

2. The teenage brain is particularly impressionable & highly impacted by online content.

That new and novel content your child is seeking out? Well, by 8th grade, statistics show that lots of it has to do with sex, not because they are bad kids, but because they are curious, their bodies are changing, and it is less embarrassing to ask Google than Mom or Dad about sexual topics. And when 8th graders search for sex on the internet, exposure to porn is all but guaranteed. 

Fifty-six % of teens admit they seek out porn at least once a month—and this doesn’t account for all the porn that finds teenagers when they aren’t looking! And more than 85% of this pornographic content is viewed on smartphones. 

Repeated porn exposure during the teen years doesn’t just give our children dangerous and unrealistic views of sex and relationships; it can make them actually less interested in pursuing real-life relationships. After all, asking out a cute girl is scary. But viewing porn is an effortless dopamine rush. 

3. The teenage brain is undergoing a huge remodeling process.

During the early years of childhood, your child’s brain is forming millions of neural connections. But during adolescence, as the brain begins to prepare itself for adulthood, the brain begins to undergo a remodeling process called neural pruning. With neural pruning, your brain searches through all the connections it's made—looks for which ones you aren’t using—and prunes these connections away.

Basically, during the teenage years, the brain adopts a “use it or lose it” policy. Connections that are not used and reinforced will be lost, while those that are used frequently will be reinforced. 

Think of all the things your children will not be doing when they stare at a smartphone —reading, participating in sports, playing an instrument, socializing with friends. Do you really want their brains to prune all these valuable connections away? 

4. The teenage brain needs lots of sleep, and smartphones deprive it of that. 

The neural pruning process we just talked about takes a serious toll on the brain, which is why adolescents actually need MORE sleep than children of younger ages—nine hours. Being tired after a night of bad sleep can affect a teen’s memory, concentration, and motivation. It can also wear down our teen’s ability to resist influence and exert good judgment, which is why most sextortion events (when kids are coerced into sending explicit images of themselves) happen at night.  

When the lack of sleep becomes chronic, it results in obesity, impulsive behavior, and dysregulation. Of course, smartphones (especially those allowed in the bedroom) make chronic sleep deprivation more likely, as your child is free to scroll social media, play games, and text friends until all hours of the night. 

5. The teenage brain is still learning executive functioning skills, especially time management. 

We all want to prepare our children to become successful adults, and one of the best ways to do that is to teach your teenager to use time well. Smartphones teach the opposite of time management, sucking your child (and many adults!) into a black hole where hours seem to pass in a second. 

And all these hours are time your child could spend doing and learning far more productive things. You may have heard it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert at something. Well, some estimates place teen tech use at nine hours a day (not including school work). This equates to 16,000 hours of time between 8th and 12th grade—that’s a lot of missed potential!

Even if you know your children’s smartphone use is under nine hours because you are setting the kitchen timer and enforcing screen time limits, ask yourself what will happen when you aren’t there to set the timer and pry them away. How many skills are you really teaching them if you have to pry the phone from their hands every day?

6. The teenage brain is searching for identity. 

Adolescence is a time for identity formation, and where teenagers spend their time plays an essential role in this process. This is why online influencers can have an outsized impact on teenagers, influencing not just what kinds of clothes they wear but also what kinds of values they adopt. 

Values are not genetic; they are learned. Don’t let the negative influences on social media platforms shape your teens’ values. Your teens' values need to be actively shaped and cultivated by you, the parents, and other caring adults around them. 

7. The teenage brain craves social connection—and social media doesn’t provide it. 

To the teenage brain, social interaction is practically as important as oxygen. However, while “social” media may seem like it’s offering teenagers the chance to fulfill that need, it slowly deprives them of this oxygen, suffocating their social life and their ability to even BE social in the real world.

Smartphones and social media don’t enhance our teenagers’ social skills; they stunt these skills by keeping teens isolated during a stage when they need more authentic, in-person experiences, not fewer. These experiences teach them how to interact with others, practice conflict resolution, and “read the room,” all of which will help them navigate job interviews, the workplace, and dating and adult relationships.  

While scrolling social media may make our teenagers feel connected, the brain knows the difference between what’s real and what’s not, which is why loneliness has become an epidemic. 

Which brings us to our last point…

8. The teenage brain is more susceptible to mental health problems. 

Not only are teenagers more isolated than ever, which leads to loneliness and depression, but also, to a certain degree, social media makes mental health problems contagious. 

Dr. Nicholas Kardaras, PhD, addiction expert and author of Glow Kids: How Screen Addiction Is Hijacking Our Kids—and How to Break the Trance and Digital Madness: How Social Media Is Driving Our Mental Health Crisis—And How to Restore Our Sanity, writes, “We’re living in the Age of Digital Social Contagions. It’s a time when certain illnesses aren’t spread by biological transmission but by a digital infection that attacks the psychological immune system. Using algorithms that find and exploit our psychological vulnerabilities, kids get sicker as Big Tech gets stronger.” 

He points out that “many of our young people are simply attempting to find a tribe or community to belong to via their online explorations and demonstrating what psychologists call ‘sociogenic’ effects; that is, effects caused by social forces—in this case, digital social forces.” 

So often, we hear that parents give their 8th graders smartphones because they want them to “fit in,” but we need to stop and ask ourselves what exactly they are fitting into and whether it is a place we want them to be. 

After all, according to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), 32% of all US adolescents aged 13–18 have an anxiety disorder. For girls, specifically, that number is even higher, hovering at just under 40%. er by age 18.

Simply put, 8th grade is not smart enough for a smartphone. According to developmental science and brain science, it may actually be one of the worst possible times. 

So what do you do, especially if your child has been begging for a smartphone or maybe has even been promised a smartphone before they enter school this summer? 

You rethink and regroup and wait. And you have an honest conversation with your young teenager about everything you have learned and why you are choosing to wait. 

Remember, a parent is not a friend. A parent is more like a coach. And many times, being a great coach means changing the game plan. Sit down with your teenagers and tell them about what you have learned, that the science is clear and smartphones are not smart or safe for the developing brain. 

While you can acknowledge their disappointment (especially if you have already promised them a phone), do not get on their emotional roller coaster. You can even say, “I know this is hard. But I also know so many things about your life and our family’s life will be harder with a phone. And I love you too much to fight with you about a phone.” 

It’s not too late to hit pause.  

Having that conversation about delaying smartphones—or even upgrading to a flip phone for now—is never easy at first, but the results are priceless. One way to show your teens how fun the ScreenStrong lifestyle is—and win them back—is to plan regular in-person get-togethers with their friends at your home. You can start this Friday night! Let your teen pick the menu (pizza and candy? No problem!), break out the board games or yard games, and fire up the firepit to give your teenagers what they are deeply craving: real-life time together with their friends.

After all, that is the one thing they want more than their phones. Real connections, real memories, and a real chance at a stress-free childhood. Let's make it happen.

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Where to start? ScreenStrong has the resources to help.

If you are looking for more support and a way to explain all this science to your tweens and teens, our Summer Fun Bundle can help. It includes our 30-day reset, a day-by-day, week-by-week guide for removing toxic screens from your home and replacing them with real-world skills and family connection. It also includes access to the parent AND student versions of our Kids’ Brains & Screens course, as well as our Connect parent group, where you will meet like-minded families who can support you on this journey. It’s never too late to get your kids back!