The Basement Generation

We know the harms of social media for girls. What about boys and video games?

After nearly a decade, progress is finally being made in the conversation about how smartphones and social media are fueling a teen mental health and academic crisis. More parents and school leaders are now standing up and saying no—no more smartphones or social media in our homes or schools. And our anxious girls are better for it.

But what about our boys?

When we focus only on smartphones and social media, we miss the other half of the digital crisis: video games.

Girls wear their pain on their sleeves; boys hide theirs away. Boys’ screen struggles are easier to miss; that’s why we’ve overlooked them for too long. Too often, boys are lost in plain sight—hiding in their basements, curtains drawn, headsets on.

For many boys, gaming is an escape and may appear to relieve stress, but it quietly fuels the very risk factors for depression and suicide—loneliness, poor sleep, shame, aggression, and loss of purpose. Over time, these effects intensify, pulling boys deeper into withdrawal and despair. It’s no coincidence that males aged 15–24 die by suicide nearly four times more often than females in the same age group. (1)

I know these risk factors firsthand. Years ago, we were the parents who thought gaming was “just what boys do” and “not as bad” as social media. We were wrong. We raised a video game addict because we didn’t even know video game addiction existed. By the time our bright, straight-A gamer dropped out of college, the damage was clear. Since then, I’ve walked alongside countless families facing the same heartbreak—bright boys lost to the game, their families broken and confused.

So why are boys being forgotten in the mental health conversation—when, in many ways, they’re struggling even more than girls? As you’ll see, it’s not any one cause, but a set of cultural blind spots and dangerous justifications, leaving us with an entire Basement Generation: boys trapped in the virtual world, unprepared for the real one.

1. “It’s just a game.”

Parents are aware of the dangers of social media because most of us use it ourselves. We have all experienced the doomscrolling trap firsthand. But when it comes to gaming, we’re stuck in the past. We still treat video games as a harmless rite of passage for boys. After all, we grew up playing video games—Pac-Man and Frogger and Space Invaders. But Call of Duty, Grand Theft Auto, and Fortnite are not those games.

Are you familiar with what Fortnite is really about? Not the logo, not the T-shirt. Have you ever played through a full game, listened to the conversations in the headset, or seen what unfolds? Have you visited the strip club in Grand Theft Auto? Watched a prostitute climb into a car, perform a sex act, then get shot in the back so the player can earn points?

That’s not “just a game.”

I urge you: watch the games your son is playing just once. Spend more than a few minutes—sit for an hour, or even as long as he usually plays. Only then will you begin to understand the world he’s immersed in. And if we don’t know what his world looks like, how can we hope to guide him out of it?

I say this as a parent who made this very mistake. I was intentional and present in many areas of my son’s life, but I didn’t fully understand the depth of his gaming world; I assumed the games were harmless. Honestly, I knew more about the ingredients in our laundry detergent than I did about the content of his games. Looking back, I can see how much would have changed had we taken the time to really see what he was doing.

The truth is, the content in many of these games is not harmless—it is often dark, violent, and toxic. And it can quietly become a powerful risk factor for depression and despair.

And “It’s just a game” isn’t the only illusion. Others, just as dangerous, keep parents in the dark about what’s really happening.

2. “This is how boys socialize.”

Gaming is not a foundational social activity. Like social media, online gaming interactions often fail to create lasting friendships because they lack the depth, attachment, and protective benefits that in-person experiences and relationships provide. (2) Gaming may look social to an outsider, but it will never build the lasting memories or bonds boys need to thrive.

One of many critical ingredients missing is the physical element of competition and risk-taking that boys need for healthy brain and social development—even into their teens. This means hands-on, rough-and-tumble play—wrestling, tackling, jostling, testing limits, and playing sports. These activities build resilience, emotional regulation, and social skills. Because of its highly addictive nature, gaming isn’t neutral; it often replaces these real-world experiences and friendships, becoming a boy’s primary social outlet and leaving him worse off.

Just because something looks social doesn’t make it healthy. Activities like smoking, drinking, vaping, or gambling may involve peers, too, but they’re clearly addictive. Video games belong in the same category, with one key difference: gaming replaces in-person human connection. At best, gaming gives boys only a fraction of the friendship, belonging, and adventure they truly need. Our boys deserve more than scraps.

Former gamer Adam* explains why boys who treat gaming as their main social activity risk falling behind in the real world.

3. “It’s just a cartoon.”

The cartoon nature of video games doesn’t make them harmless. Animated violence and sexualized characters still trigger the same fight-flight brain responses as realistic images. Though a child might be able to verbalize that he knows the violence isn’t “real,” the brain still processes the images and reacts as if it is. That’s why the American Academy of Pediatrics has warned that cartoon violence can be just as damaging to a child’s brain as realistic violence. (3)

4. “It’s just a phase.”

Neuroscience shows habits formed during the critical window of adolescence harden like wet cement, meaning most boys don’t grow out of gaming; they sink deeper into it. Little gamers become big gamers.

Recently, I learned of a 35-year-old son still living at home with his parents. Unemployed, unmotivated, and unmarried, he is gaming 12 hours a day. They are afraid of his violent outbursts. They are all stuck in the gaming trap. And they aren’t the only ones.

5. “At least he’s safe at home.”

A boy alone in his room, immersed in violent or sexualized content and talking to strangers of all ages, is not safe. He’s in danger. The interactions he’s having and the things he’s seeing can be just as damaging as any Instagram predator or TikTok body-image crisis. Where else do we allow our 12-year-olds to play with 25-year-olds (or older), unsupervised?

6. “He’s smart, so I’m not worried.”

Of all the justifications, I might be the guiltiest of this. I thought Adam’s gaming wasn’t a problem because he was getting straight As, but I didn’t realize that a boy can ace tests and still be failing at life because addiction doesn’t discriminate by GPA. Intelligence is not maturity.

7. “Moderation is fine.”

Just 30 minutes a day or a few hours on the weekend triggers dopamine spikes that make the brain crave more all week long, draining interest in real-life activities. And so-called nonviolent games aren’t risk-free—they all have sexualized content and often serve as gateways, priming the brain for more extreme, violent ones.

Why Gaming Is Worse Than We Think

Many parents are doing everything they can to limit their kids’ social media use, but they may be ignoring the destructive force of gaming that is tearing families apart.

Here are just three of many reasons why the damage caused by gaming is not receiving the attention it deserves.

1. The Trap Is Deeper

With video games, boys don’t just mindlessly use a platform and scroll—he becomes his game character, a whole other person. He is also immersed in a community engineered to feel more rewarding than his real one. For many boys, gaming is total submersion. And the thing about drowning is that it happens silently.

The deeper he sinks into the game, the more he plays. The more he plays, the lonelier he becomes. And the lonelier he feels, the more he turns back to the game. This creates a shame cycle that can lead to depression: gaming more → life gets worse → gaming more → sinking deeper. Dopamine flooding from constant stimulation disrupts the brain’s reward system, making everyday life feel boring, empty, or meaningless.

Lack of real-world purpose feeds the cycle. Achievements in a game do not transfer to life outside the screen, leaving him feeling worthless or behind his peers. The gap between virtual success and real-life struggles drives despair. As he loses touch with reality, he may become detached from friends, quit activities, withdraw from his family, and struggle to launch. The “escape” isn’t just emotional—it’s functional. This is addiction, and it doesn’t just steal time; it steals boys from the real world, locking them inside a virtual one. (4)

2. Training for Violence

Some argue that violent games are “just harmless fun” because no one is really hurt. But some things should never be normalized. We would never hand our boys a game where they sexually assault cartoon characters—so why do we hand them games where virtual killing of human characters is celebrated as entertainment?

Instead of passively watching, boys are drawn into the role of the aggressor, practicing over and over in a world where there are no consequences. The type of violence matters, and the context matters even more. In many games, mass killing is turned into a pastime, assassination is the goal, and every “success” is rewarded with points, applause, and digital trophies. The brain begins to associate violence and death with pleasure and reward. The repetition chips away at empathy. Through points, achievements, and endless play, violent gaming doesn’t just show violence—it trains boys to enjoy it. (5)

“Video games can be superb at teaching violence...We have millions of children who have been classically conditioned from their youngest days to take pleasure from human death and suffering. These children are not merely ‘desensitized’ to violence… They are taking pleasure from it.” — Lt. Col. Dave Grossman, Assassination Generation

This isn’t only a moral question—it’s a neurological one. Practicing violence in a virtual world shapes how the brain responds in the real one. Violent or hyper-competitive gaming stirs adrenaline and aggression, but there’s no healthy outlet. Instead of releasing that energy in sports, work, or real-life challenges, it festers inside, fueling anger, depression, and self-harm risk.

“They are associating the good feelings with shooting people because the more people you kill, the higher your score is, and the better you feel. It definitely dulls their empathy,” says former gamer Adam. Here he explains more from the gamer’s perspective:

3. Trading the Real World for the Virtual One

While there is a dark side to social media, it still keeps users tethered—however lightly—to the real world. Girls post pictures from real-life events: school dances, sports, birthdays, weekend outings. Their quest is to be noticed, even famous, here, on the real-world stage. Their struggles—comparison, criticism, body shaming—are painfully visible.

Boys, by contrast, vanish into another dimension quickly, starting with their first game. Instead of sharing their real lives, they chase fame and heroism in a virtual world that rewards killing, conquest, and status. Their counterfeit community is not grounded in reality but built on pixels and points, exciting only on a screen.

The longer a boy invests in that world, the wider the gap grows between his virtual success and real-life struggles. Achievements online do not translate into confidence or purpose offline. As his digital victories pile up, friendships fade, activities are abandoned, and his sense of direction weakens. Over time, he risks slipping into a cycle of detachment, despair, and failure.

Watch Adam explain what it is like to live in the virtual world. “The game becomes your world, and everything outside of it feels fake. Eating, leaving your room, doing normal things—it all feels like a painful interruption. None of it compares to the massive dopamine hits the game gives you.”

The Reality of Basement Boys: Lost Potential & Lost Futures

As society bands together to save the Anxious Generation, we cannot forget about the Basement Generation. The fallout of adolescent gaming addiction often isn’t visible until it’s too late: missing opportunities, dropping out of school, quitting sports or hobbies, leaving college without graduating, losing life purpose, or never leaving home.

And unlike their sisters—who, despite the harms of social media, are still graduating from college, getting jobs, and forming deep friendships—many boys are falling further behind. Gaming is that powerful. And while some parents may believe their son is “fine” because he hasn’t yet slipped into the basement, the truth is clear: Gaming cannot be a healthy path for every boy. By its very design, too many get trapped, and the risks are far too high to ignore.

Recently I spoke with a group of mid-20-something girls who have graduated from college, have good jobs, and live away from their parents. They are launching nicely, except for the fact that not one of them is dating. Not one. When I asked about dating, every single one said the same thing: “All the men are still boys, still living at home in their parents’ basements playing video games. We don’t date gamers.”

The Way Out

There is another path—and we found it.

We raised our younger boys outside the Anxious Generation and the Basement Generation. It was far easier than we imagined. It’s possible. It takes courage, knowledge, and a willingness to do things differently—but the rewards are life-changing. To start, teach your kids the science and explain why your family is choosing this better path.

Here are a few ways to help reverse the trend.

What dads can do: Step into the role of coach and refuse to let gaming replace your influence in your son’s life. This means saying no to video games. But don’t just take the game away; inspire him to aim higher. Stop playing video games with him. Discover something better to do together. Fill his time with challenging, exciting, and meaningful activities, such as sports, running, camping, building, fixing, working out, and exploring. Lead him and show that real life is more rewarding—and more fun—than anything on a screen. Deep down, every boy knows video games will never make him a man; he needs you to do that.

What moms can do: Change the culture in your home. Say no to video games. Don’t buy Minecraft sheets or throw Fortnite birthday parties. Don’t use gaming as a reward or a babysitter. Instead, fill your son’s world with real hobbies until he can carry them on his own. And when he’s taller than you and it feels like you’ve lost influence, remember—you haven’t. You can still coach him and support his social activities. Encourage him to build a homemade fire pit in the backyard and be the mom who regularly feeds his friends, provides snacks for poker night, and plans camping trips, until he can plan his own. You are the anchor of his childhood memories, the maker of shared experiences, and the source of belonging that will carry him for a lifetime.

What culture can do: Stop ignoring boys. Name the gaming crisis, fund research, educate parents, and treat gaming the way we treated smoking. Launch campaigns to raise awareness about the warning signs of video game addiction. Invest in outdoor opportunities for boys—make parks more engaging, build more bike trails and disc golf courses, and promote them so families are aware of their existence.

What schools can do: Educate teachers and students about gaming addiction. Expand intramural sports, music programs, and shop classes. Reevaluate the use of gamified apps and stop using video games as in-class rewards.

What you can do today:

Find your sons. Pull them out of the dark rooms. Unplug the virtual rifles from their hands. They deserve the same concern, attention, protection, and hope that we give our daughters.

Because one day, our daughters will need husbands, fathers, and leaders—to walk beside them. They will need men, not lost boys in basements. The time to save them is now.

References:

1. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Suicide Data and Statistics. Accessed September 2025. https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/facts/data.html

2. Twenge, J. M., Spitzberg, B. H., & Campbell, W. K. (2021). Adolescents’ real-time social and affective experiences of online and face-to-face interactions. ResearchGate.

3. American Academy of Pediatrics REF Policy Statement on Virtual Violence. “Cartoon violence can seem very real, and it can have detrimental effects. Furthermore, first-person shooter games, in which killing others is the central theme, are not appropriate for any children.”

4. Limone P, Ragni B, Toto GA. “The epidemiology and effects of video game addiction: A systematic review and meta-analysis.” Acta Psychol (Amst). 2023 Nov;241:104047. doi: 10.1016/j.actpsy.2023.104047. Epub 2023 Oct 26. PMID: 37897856. Link “An addictive gaming behavior was characterized by spending an above-average time on gaming, doing most of the gaming online, and gaming activities interfering with sleep patterns. Some predictors of addictive gaming were emotional dependence, social detachment, increased gaming time, preference for playing online rather than offline, and increased emotional and psychological stress. Engaging in addictive gaming led to adverse outcomes such as lower academic scores, depression, and anxiety, as well as decreased self-esteem, life satisfaction, and social support. From the collected findings, it could be concluded that extreme playing of video games can be classified as addictive.”

5. Grossman, D. (2008). Assassination Generation: Video Games, Aggression, and the Psychology of Killing (pp. 55, 60). New York, NY: Penguin Group.

   * Note about Adam: After we identified his gaming addiction, Adam joined the U.S. Military and served his country for five years. There, he found purpose and life beyond gaming. Adam later finished college and graduate school, demonstrating that recovery and a fulfilling future are achievable.

   Need help?

• Do you have a gamer who needs a detox? Join our free Connect Group and start the 7-Day Digital Detox, or opt for our Connect Plus subscription for the 30-Day Digital Detox.

• Read the Kids’ Brains & Screens Home Edition with your child and share the “why” behind your screen time limits.

• Start a ScreenStrong Book Club to give your like-minded parent peers a space to feel connected.

• For information on the complete list of KBS products and curriculum support materials, visit KidsBrainsandscreens.com.

Melanie Hempe, RN, BSN, is the founder of ScreenStrong, a nonprofit that equips families and schools with science-based education and practical tools to prevent and overcome childhood screen addiction. After her oldest son withdrew from college due to video game addiction, Melanie drew on her nursing background from Emory University to raise her three younger children free from harmful screen use.

Known for simplifying complex medical research into relatable, practical guidance, Melanie empowers parents, educators, and students through her nationally recognized Kids’ Brains & Screens series. She helps families live counterculturally by avoiding the most harmful screen use—smartphones/social media, violent video games, and pornography—throughout adolescence, reducing mental health risks and building stronger life skills. ScreenStrong has created what every family needs—education and community—to skip toxic screens through adolescence so teens can reach their full potential.

Melanie is a trusted voice in national media, recognized for offering clear and hopeful solutions to modern screen struggles. She provides resources through the ScreenStrong Connect Forum and hosts the ScreenStrong Families Podcast. Discover family resource materials, the new KBS Elementary Edition, and the Phone-Free Schools Guide.

Visit ScreenStrong.org to learn more and join the growing community that is saving childhood.